I once heard that the only people who love cycling are those who cannot afford to buy a car.
This funny story reminded me of how manipulative we can be with our life choices, downplaying or amplifying them in the context we find ourselves. Minimalists, for example, scorn the consumer mentality, while people with cars mock green economy fans.
While it is less risky to play games with complex, higher-tier needs, jeopardizing the basic needs can have more costly consequences.
Maslow’s Pyramid: The Simple Method for Complex Life Choices
Maslow’s theory of needs is only one, linear way of explaining complex human nature. We often make choices unconscious of the basic needs we try to meet. But when life gets tied in knots, simple systems are the best way to untangle them without sidetracking into unwanted domains. Spending too much time in the lower tiers of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs won’t lead to growth and can even revert your safe choices to an unsafe place. Nevertheless, if you don’t feel warm, protected, healthy, full, and rested, it is challenging to charter into self-actualization.
Instead of wanting to take huge abrupt leaps into the higher tiers, use the tier order to ensure you pay attention to each tier as you make your life choices.
Often, this approach will reorder your daily priorities to look different than they used to do when you were chasing the often deceptive goals of self-actualization.
You should feel good in your body, mind, and soul to be able to grow.
The soul aspect is not dominant when people speak of the number one tier of Maslow’s hierarchy. But if you stop feeding the soul, whatever that means to you, you may fall out of giving your physiological system what it wants, due to the inextricable connection of the mind, body, and soul.
This can include unusual basic level needs, from having the need to pray daily to purchasing good, nourishing food, and quitting a job that doesn’t let you take a bathroom break whenever you need to.
Security is about having shelter, a safe container, your personal haven.
It can include your home, a room in a house, your friend’s circle, your savings, your dormitory, your family, or a cottage in the woods. It can be a set of skills that’s marketable.
The most important thing about your safe container is that it is a place of core stability, a spot you can always come back to relax and rest and protect yourself from the outside world.
Safety is essential and its endangerment can pose deep trauma to people. In all your life choices, make sure you have a safe place to come back to. If your current safe place ends up in ruins, build another one before everything else. When you prioritize safety, you are less likely to stay in an abusive relationship, a poorly functioning family, among non-supportive friends, or with a mean boss.
Babies need the touch of the mother’s skin to develop properly. Many of the things we do as adults make no sense in a world we live in alone. For better or for worse, we have a deep need for belonging and finding our tribe. Being left outside the group was painful when we had to fight wild animals centuries ago and now when we feel isolated in modern social groups.
However, the need for belonging can contradict a more genuine need for camaraderie or the feeling of trust in mutually beneficial friendships where we feel like we are true to ourselves. An example of a person that prioritizes the sense of camaraderie in a group instead of simple belonging is what we call the black sheep in the family.
You have to be careful with the need for belonging because the attached security and affirmation a group, a tribe, an affiliation brings, can make you gamble with your authenticity.
If you stick too hard to the need for belonging in adulthood, when you don’t depend on the support and approval of parental figures, it is hard to access your authentic genuine, creative side, the one that propels growth and self-development.
Higher tiers in the hierarchy often require having sufficient safety in your own abilities to venture further from the group. Making authentic choices is how you build esteem, which is the next tier in the hierarchy.
Esteem can be a need directed toward oneself and a socially supported need. Recognition, respect, and status are needs that make sense in a social context unless you place them in the “self” category, such as for example, self-respect or self-esteem. But, nonetheless, esteem is a need that is majorly established via your place in society.
If you haven’t met your needs from the previous, metaphorically speaking, lower tiers, you will have a hard time building your self-esteem.
Whenever you look for recognition, respect, status, and achievement, don’t do it from an inauthentic and unsafe place. Don’t sacrifice your safety and originality for the sake of status. The reward for achieving status at this cost is no food for the soul. Choose nutritious esteem meals to satiate a hunger that’s coming from deep within instead the one that’s falsely perpetrated by society.
I like to look at the need for self-actualization through Jung’s perspective.
Jung calls self-actualization individuation. Similarly to Maslow’s definition of the highest tier on the needs pyramid, individuation is the realization of the person’s greatest potential or “everything that a person can be”. But Jung’s definition of the individuation encompasses the integration of the conscious and the unconscious, which often means becoming a lot less the ideal person, and a lot more becoming the more authentic person by knowing the deepest, hidden parts of yourself.
These are the most challenging life choices you have to make because it’s easy to conquer visible obstacles and open opponents. But when the adversary is the unexplored self, it asks from us studious effort to dig deep and explore our shadow side.
When you make life choices, it helps if you turn the Maslow’s pyramid upside down. By seeing the basic physiological and safety needs at the top and comparing the size of the tiers to the one for esteem and self-recognition, it becomes evident where your priorities lie.
It is not only the placement of the tier: consider its size. For instance, you may need to spend ten or twenty times more resources on meeting your physiological needs than on meeting your self-actualization needs. It will be impossible to meet higher tier needs without meeting lower tier needs.
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is a motivation hierarchy. As with every rule, it has notable exceptions, such as people who have achieved self-actualization or recognition under strenuous life circumstances.
Viktor Frankl, for example, planted the seed for his psychotherapeutic method based on meaning in life by surviving a concentration camp. The odds of unconscious motivation in his story are huge.
Therefore, Maslow’s pyramid may not be the perfect mathematical model for making perfect life choices but it can be a helpful structure you return to when life hits hard.
Finally, don’t forget that cars and bikes are only a means of transportation whose market worth may be measurable but whose personal value can be known only to you. Let’s ask people who drive motorcycles.
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